Monday, December 29, 2008

The Twenty Fifth Hour

Today I went through the net deleting and refining old footprints.  Looking back over the first blog I had for the year, The Twenty Fifth Hour at Wordpress, I realised that a) not much happened in the first half of the year b) if it did it was pretty boring c) the first half of the year was pretty up and down, filled with weddings and funerals, and d) my life and writing were boring boring boring.  I think I felt pretty numb back then, and it showed.  Even my choice of layout was pretty dire (black background with white writing).  That in comparison to my blog now.  Not that it's that amazing but I at least feel I am a bit freer with words and ideas and expression now.   I have no idea why I went to wordpress either, other than I probably liked a friend's layout and wanted a version of it.  Nope, it's back to Blogger and here to stay.  Even the title of the blog was boring and derivative.  How much more plagiaristic can you get?  Muh.  In a much better place now in terms of creativity and flow, despite still having issues finishing things ;)

On the other hand, I saved this little gem:

The Lincoln

Last night, while out on the town with some friends, it occurred to me that I had not been physically touched by a person of the opposite sex for a long time.

I was out at the lovely Lincoln, which was overflowing and required lining up outside until I could pretend I was part of a group and sneak in. It was the end of term drinks for several hospitals which meant that people were trashed, happy and plentiful. Most of the people I had previously worked or studied with were there. As I spent the night shouting and squealing greetings, I grabbed people’s hands or gave them a hug. I am fairly touchy-feely in general, but the magic of alcohol meant that I and everyone else were more touch happy than usual. Anyway, so I was greeting a male colleague, whose shoulder or arm would normally be the furthest up the body I would touch, when he put his hand on my lower back. Taking into consideration the packed crowd, and the alcoholicness of the moment, I reciprocated and put my hand on the small of his back. And this is what I felt:
  • Silky cotton shirt
  • Alive, electric skin
  • Solid, warm back held up by firm muscle and strong spine
  • Thick belt, signalling the end of my back touching party
  • Soft donut of fat spilling out from said belt. I wanted to pinch it.
He wasn’t extraordinarily buff or slim. I didn’t even like him all that much. But it was so lovely standing with our arms cradling each other that I let my hand rest there. The perfect back is so hard to find. His back was not so skinny that if felt like a metal rod, nor so fat that it felt like a wall, it was just right (long, reasonably toned, sitting well into a belt). I allowed myself to break free every so often to change hand positions and unconsciously took in its crevices and valleys. At the end of the conversation, we swapped regards, kissed each other on the cheek, then disengaged and continued on with our evening. But I carried the joy of his beautiful back the rest of the night.


The only thing is, for the life of me I can't remember who the guy was...

I have also decided to try being more open online.  Well, we'll see.  I've always been really thingy about being open on the internet, I think it can lead to all sorts of trouble.  But I'll give it a stab.  I'll do my best to extend from a tiptoe to a heel.

Olympic

What must be harder than an Asian female leaving medicine to study acting would be an Olympic athlete competing as openly gay.  Wow, I didn't think that athletes have it hard but they must...

On the other hand, I can think of even more difficult rivers to cross...Running for office as a coupled gay male would be super hard.  Then again, who would have thought two of the world's biggest talk show hosts would be black (Oprah) and lesbian (Ellen)?

Here are just some of the leaders breaking boundaries and scaling heights:
  • Shonda Rhimes, executive producer of Grey's Anatomy single handedly changing the previously white face of prime time TV.
  • John So, first community elected Lord Mayor of Melbourne.
  • Kerryn Phelps, former president of the Australia Medical Association.
And well, we could get excited about Obama for hours :)

It IS possible to change the world.  Fuck yeah!

Crossing over

It's hard making a switch.

People who have always known you in one way can't see you in the other.  People who know both but have a personal favouring of the other question you consistently.  People like to box you in some way and are reticent to take you out of it.  Medicine is a conservative profession.  Despite general support and encouragement, I don't think anyone other than close friends truly understand.  And even then, there's still the faintest smudge of doubt.

It's a shame.  I wonder how many will keep.

Who knows what I am?  Who knows what anyone is really?  No-one ever fits into a box ever.  I know I went through a phase of introducing people almost with a label on their head, but that was when I was trying to work out where I sat.  I came to the conclusion in the end that there are none, rather tendencies that are extended and explored.  Everything anyone could ever be is and always has been inside that person.

I remember a few years ago I ran into a girl from high school who expressed such disappointment that I had gone into medicine instead of drama school.  You can't please everybody.

And yesterday I took a series of photos of a friend as a photographic study and posted them on Facebook.  I was very proud of my photos, having worked on them well into the night.  They were simple, unfussed, unspectacular conversations over coffee.  The first response from said friend was an expression of discomfort, and the following responses from other friends (all med) were of disbelief and incredulity.  Perhaps a closer look to examine how flattering the photos are, what they reveal about said friend and some insights would be at hand?

No-one gets me here...gaahhhh...

It would be nice to be in a place where admission to a prestigious college of art is a lusty achievement, rather than a well-meaning shrug.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Distortion

I love images that distort.  I am going to try and achieve more of that in my photography/theatre/writing.

To quote Anne Bogart:

To be awake on the stage, to distort something – a movement, a gesture, a word, a sentence – requires an act of necessary violence: the violence of undefining. Undefining means removing the comfortable assumptions about an object, a person, words, sentences or narrative by putting it all back in question.

Distortion in art is to be awake, to live.

Corners, elbows, behinds.  So much more telling and intriguing.  Sexier too.  Like a lady's ankle.

Gotta stop taking perfectly composed photos.

Nostalgia




The sepia tones of my room.

Actor-artists

I have much admiration for the multi-tasking actor-artist.

Here are some whom I think aren't doing too badly in the over-achieving stakes:
  • Viggo Mortensen.  The ultimate actor-artist-painter-poet-photographer who is amazing on screen and just as incredible off it.  Runs his own publishing house for his writing and art.  
  • Jacqueline McKenzie.  Incredible, riveting actress.  Unfortunately the rest of her art isn't that amazing, but she gets bonus points for trying.  Some samples of her artwork and music (oh dear) on her official website.
  • Rhiana Griffith.  Australia child actor most famous for playing a boy in Vin Diesel vehicle Pitch Black. Love her paintings and hope to see more.
  • James Franco.  Rose to fame in the eponymous James Dean movie.  Pretty boy but killing it.  Avid painter who exhibited for the first time last year.  Also recent hyper-over-achiever: after finishing his English lit degree at UCLA ten years after he started, he has now enrolled into three masters programs at Columbia, NYU and Brooklyn, studying directing, writing and literature.
  • Miranda July.  Quirky writer/filmmaker/photographer/actor who has released a book of short stories and has been published in journals such as The New Yorker and Zoetrope. 
  • Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy.  Well, Ethan Hawke's novels might not be high art but he has published two of them and made one into a movie.  Having read The Hottest State with skepticism, I was surprised to discover some heartfelt observations, although as a whole the novel was self-conscious and angsty.  Likewise Julie Delpy's writer-directorial debut 2 Days in Paris is filled with quirky insights into a French-American couple's holiday in France, but as a whole fails to gel.  However, the two of them together are cult filmmaking gold: Before Sunset and its sequel Before Sunrise were brought to life by the pair, sharing writing credit with director Richard Linklater.  Random wanderings around Europe would just not be the same.
  • Gao Xingjian. Nobel prize winning Chinese novelist.  (Obviously not an actor), but a playwright, poet and fiction writer, as well as celebrated painter.
Oh to have but a tithe of their talents!

One day I'll resurrect my makeshift painting studio and improve upon my current total of two paintings.  But first I have to white balance my camera.  And finish a story.  Any story.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Talent

I have been reading EW's 30 under 30 for 2008.  

I am so far behind...

Thoughts

Theatre is magic whereas film is real...

No wait, film is transportation?

Film is release?

I'm still working on this.

In response to my crush on my 18 year old I've decided to take up photography again.  Well I'm going to try.  I become more rigid and stale as I get older and I'm not sure I can be bothered learning a new skill when I have plenty that I need to keep developing (ie. writing, acting etc).  But looking back through old photos made me realise how I miss looking at the world with wonder and amazement...I just wish I knew how to do all the technical stuff without having to learn it properly.  Also not sure yes if this is a spur of the moment thing and I was only ever attracted to said 18 year old because he had quality that I recognised in myself but missed...or if I actually thought he was hot.  Or if anyone has a moment with me and then becomes inspired.  Well I think that actually has happened, except this other guy was a bit strange and obsessed.  Er.  

Which brings me to my next point, are crushes ever real or are they just manifestations of the desires in yourself which you lack...can something romantic ever develop out of them?  I know I had a big crush on a friend when I first met him but then I resolved the issue with myself and now he's a mate...never would go there nuh-uh.  On the other hand this guy who was obsessed with me was completely loony cos I knew he was secretly interested in the acting bit...which he didn't realise himself although I told him repeatedly...and I was a bit young and confused and didn't know how to handle the attention...in any case, I had to tell him to stop calling me...so crushes can be completely loony as well.  Well maybe if I were older and could handle it a bit better I could have been friends with him...(doubt it though he was mad).  So yeah.  Can crushes be a sign of actual romantic potential?

Such brilliant things to be debating on Boxing Day...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Tender and I've Loved You So Long

There's something very magical about theatre.  There's something very life-affirming about film.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Learning

I am developing a new appreciation of architecture :)

Some artists that interest me are:

Tadao Ando, the Church of Light, Osaka (1989)
Ashton Raggatt McDougall, Storey Hall RMIT Uni Melbourne (1996)
Frank O. Gehry, Guggenheim Museum Bilbao (1997), DG Bank Berlin (2001)
Itsuko Hasegawa, Museum of Fruit (1995)
Zwi Hecker, Heinz Galinski School Berline (1995), Tower of Babel Tel Aviv (2002)
Toyo Ito, Tower of the Winds Yokohama (1986)
Jean Nouvel, Institut du Monde Arabe, Paris (1987)
I.M. Pei, Bank of China, Hong Kong (1989)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Ifs

If I had finished medicine, I would have been a surgeon.

Cutting up people and stitching up their organs? Yeah baby!

My father would have been ecstatic and I would have been a super nerd spending hours in the operating theatre while accumulating a incredibly large amount of money. Hell, I might have even been part of pioneering new and revolutionary surgical techniques.

It's suitably competitive, ambitious and high achieving. The fact that most of my male friends from my new year all want to be surgeons too is not a mistake. I would have used my jocular, tomboyish ways to perfection by hanging with the team. My affinity for anatomy and pathology would have come remarkably handy during tutorials and self-study sessions. I would have practiced pig suturing with relish.

Why didn't I want to finish medicine?

Because I didn't love it enough.

It's funny. I think about my wanderings about hospital and I can't deny that it was kind of fun. Riding up and down the staff elevator. Going to collect x-rays and CT scans. Listening for crackles in a patient's lung. Taking blood and then watching the red tubes go up the pathology chute. Good times with the staff. On the other hand, I don't think there was a single moment when I actually connected with a patient. Perhaps I'm antisocial.

It wasn't bad. But it wasn't life-changing either. Rather than inherently loving it, I didn't mind it. I considered choosing a career path for the suitability rather than passion. I substituted the real theatre for one with diathermy needles and packed ice.

And when I packed it in mid this year, and didn't return to my GP's office, I knew it was the right thing.

Onwards and upwards!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Rain

I like it :)

When has art changed you?

From a dear friend on Facebook:

I mean really changed you.

Hopefully it frequently moves you all the time — the painting that makes you laugh, the music that makes you smile, the movie that makes you outraged, the book that makes you cry — but I'm interested in the times that art has really changed the way you think about the world, or motivated you to go and give money to a charity, or made you change the way you live your life.

When my friend invited me to watch a show he'd directed - The UNSW Med Revue in 2002 - it was the catalyst for me moving to Sydney in 2003. Without having seen that show, I may still be living in Newcastle, working in an IT department.

Performing in the movement piece LIst in 2007 made me realise that I might like to spend a lot of my career working on shows with little to no dialogue.

A video of a Madonna concert (along with research a friend of mine did on South Africa) has led to a change in the way I buy things everyday, and given me a thesis topic!

Two out of three of these realisations have only changed my life because theatre is my career. So can I necessarily say that those moments would have been so profound if theatre wasn't what I do every day?

So, those of you for whom art isn't your life, when has it changed your life?


My reply:

Looking for Alibrandi made me realise I wasn't alone.

Miss Saigon, The Sound of Music and Sister Act 2 made me want to sing.

Numerous books by authors such as Murray Bail and Arundhati Roy etc etc made me want to write.

RENT made me fall in love with New York.

A Midsummer Night's Dream directed by Tim Supple made me think about the true physicality of Shakespeare's text.

Tambours sur la Digue by Theatre Du Soleil introduced me to the power and originality of physical theatre.

A Disappearing Number by Complicite reinforced my love for maths and play.

Stoning Mary made me believe in the quality and value of independent theatre.

Heartbreak High convinced me that an Asian chick could be on screen and kill it!

TV convinced me that the minutiae of people's lives could be moving and addictive.

Batman Begins made me believe that I could wear a batsuit and save Gotham city, all while maintaining monopoly of most of the financial market ;)


Hehe.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I'm moving to Melbourne

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Nostalgia

My mum found a whole bag of soft toys from my childhood.  Boy, I had a lot.  Sitting with me while I type is my fusty old mustard yellow teddy bear that plays 'Waltzing Matilda' when you wind it up.  I feel like a kid again. 

Monday, December 1, 2008

I have worked it out

Well sort of.

I have realised that my brain really can't sit still.  Really really can't.  As soon as I've finished one project I need to be on the next.  Probably a good thing I'm in a project-oriented industry though.  Probably not a good thing that I tend not to line things up one after the other.  Oh well.  When things start to get going I'm sure that'll turn around.

Am thinking about doing a short course in screenwriting or play writing.  Just to get my brain focussed again.  Slight problem with the whole summer let's-shut-everything-down thing though.  Thank god for blogs.

Also realised that the reason I can't write any short films or plays is because I don't know the form well enough.  Short stories I'm fine, I've spent years honing those but scriptwriting is something I really need to have someone helping me with.   So yes, a short course or something where I have someone to help me is the key thing.  Only problem is finding it.

Focus, sweetheart, focus.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Phlebology

I think veins are achingly beautiful.

Blue pipes carrying blue blood.

To think that our sorrows lie on the surface while life beats below.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Disappearing Number

Magical.

Not 100% satisfying with the relationships and character developments (there were none), but what a feast for the eyes, the ears and most importantly, my mathematically deprived brain.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Quote

Rediscovered this old quote, which currently rings true for me:

‘One condition necessary to be a truly great author is to abandon vanity, and learn how to be independent in a precarious profession. Don’t become complacent about your status as an author; first of all you’re a human being and a woman, and only third an author.’

pp.244-245, Shanghai Baby, Wei Hui

Pretty much what I've been trying to sum up the past couple of weeks.  To be the best person I can be first.  Everything else comes after.

A Director Prepares

Been reading Anne Bogart lately, and wanted to highlight some of the ideas she presents in her book.

Firstly: 

I learned about the Japanese word irimi while studying Aikido, a Japanese martial art. Simply translated, irimi means ‘to enter’ but it can also be translated ‘choose death’. When attacked, you always have two options: to enter, irimi or to go around, ura. Both, when accomplished in the right manner, are creative. To enter or ‘to choose death’ means to enter fully with the acceptance, if necessary, of death. The only way to win is to risk everything and be fully willing to die. If this is an extreme notion to occidental sensibilities, it does make sense in creative practice. To achieve the violence of decisiveness, one has to ‘choose death’ in the moment by acting fully and intuitively without pausing for reflection about whether it is the right decision or if it is going to provide the winning solution. pp.49-50

I was talking to Bug today and she suggested that I was a very all or nothing person.  This is mostly true, although I do try to strive for balance within my extremes.  After reading the above I started to think that perhaps I am more extreme than I think.  I quit med without a second thought.  My opinions on art are violent and aggressive.  I refuse to take a middle ground in my career, even if it is to earn myself a little more money.  It is, perhaps, the oriental way to live, certainly the way most prized by fans of Japanese manga or swordfighting aficionados.   I don't necessarily think this is the most sensible way to live, nor the most ideal.  However, I think it is the only way to live a life that is truly creative and fruitful.  Before every Anne Bogart masterclass I inevitably feel an uneasy twist of fear in my stomach.  Even though I am no longer intimidated by my classmates (who are all older and more experienced than me), I feel like I want to hide, to not be challenged, to stay the same.  But I must be bold, I must be violent.  One must strike out in a direction, even if unsure.  Because only after a stab in the dark will help stretch out to meet it.

The other idea that struck me was one of movement versus stasis:

In A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce differentiates static and kinetic art. He values static art and disparages kinetic art. I find his conception of static and kinetic challenging and helpful in thinking about what we put on the stage. Kinetic art moves you. Static art stops you. Pornography, for example, is kinetic – it can arouse you sexually. Advertising is kinetic art – it can induce you to buy. Political art is kinetic - it can move you to political action. Static art, on the other hand, stops you. It causes arrest. Much like the painting by Anselm Keefer, it won’t let you easily walk by it. Static art offers a self-contained universe unified only in its complex, contradictory fields. It does not remind you of anything else. It does not create desire in you and it does not move you in an easy manner. You are stopped in your tracks by its unique power. P.63

So I thought I would compile some examples of art that has stilled me:

Literature:

Women carried notebooks and pressed storms into them like flowers.

p1, The Service of Clouds, Delia Falconer

The new moon –
fallen out of its gown,
a white breast.

p.28, 18 Poems, Robert Gray

The girl’s pale hair caught the light, a flag of sunshine down her spine.

p. 3, Of a Boy, Sonya Hartnett

[The television] matured like a loaf in the oven, and eventually produced a picture.

p. 117, Popular Music, Mikael Niemi

Her father had taught her about hands. About a dog’s paws. Whenever her father was alone with a dog in a house he would lean over and smell the skin at the base of its paw. This, he would say, as if coming away from a brandy snifter, is the greatest in the world! A bouquet! Great rumours of travel! She would pretend disgust, but the dog’s paw was a wonder: the smell of it never suggested dirt. It’s a cathedral! her father had said, so-and-so’s garden, that field of grasses, a walk through cyclamen—a concentration of hints of all the paths the animal had taken during the day.

p.8, The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje

Her tongue – bloated, the cherry pink of a kitchen sponge – slumped from her mouth.

p.6, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Marisha Pessl

Some days they were so buoyant it was as though they were being carried across the pool, passed weightless from hand to hand. Their legs floated behind them like scarves, loose in the water. Cool careful fingers of liquid ran the length of their bodies as they swam.

p.2, What Falls Away, Tegan Bennett

The sun shone through the plastic visor of her sunhat, so that a flower of pink light blossomed on her face.

p.3, What Falls Away, Tegan Bennett

His smile, an umbrella whooshed inside out.

p? , The Bride Stripped Bare, Nikki Gemmell

A liquid ache spread under her skin.

p.44, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

Twinkle was a word with crinkled, happy edges.

p.54, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy


The ants made a faint crunchy sound as life left them. Like an elf eating toast, or a crisp biscuit.

p.185, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

The feeling that somebody had lifted off his head and vomited into his body. Lumpy vomit dribbling down his insides.

p., The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

She has a soft, dense mouth, like a water logged velvet cushion.

p.158, The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood

The sea folded its layers around me, touching my legs, my hips, my breasts like a liquid sculptor with warm hands.

Anais Nin

In a settler’s hut the smallest flutter of a mother’s eyelids are like a tin sheet rattling in the wind.

p.61, True History of the Kelly Gang, Peter Carey

On his wise shoulders through the checkerwork of leaves the sun flung spangles, dancing coins.

Ulysses, James Joyce

Theatre:

A Midsummer Night's Dream, British Council (in particular the music, the actors bursting through the papered set, Helena pursuing Demetrius).

The Revenger's Tragedy, National Theatre (in particular the moment when the puppet was revealed, the dancing, moments in corridors).

A Midsummer Night's Dream, Korean Company (Sydney Festival last year). 

Ruhe, German Company (the moment the men's choir opened their mouths.  Incredible).

Motel, Wharf2Loud (many of the main female and the younger female's conversation).

Sid's Waltzing Masquerade, Sydney Dance Company (the male dancers in general).

The Makropoulos Secret, Opera Australia (the revelation!).

The Glass Soldier, MTC (just a fantastic, creative stage).

Exit the King, Belvoir (Geoffrey Rush dying).

Au Revoir La Parapluie, Sydney Festival (all of it).

Big Shoot, Lavoir Modern Parisien (couldn't understand a fucking thing - but the Denis Lavant was great!)

Film:

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (all of it)
Pan's Labyrinth
In Bruges (just because it's so fucking funny).
Atonement (some beautiful long lens shots, wide shots).
Marie Antoinette (also for the wide shots).
The Talented Mr Ripley (the ending.  Oh the ending...)
21 Grams (when Sean Penn reveals to Naomi Watts he has her husband's heart).
Amores Perros (the Gael Garcia Bernal storyline).
Infernal Affairs (no! The revelation!!)

I can probably think of more but I'm out right now.

What are some things that stop you in your tracks? 

Sunday, November 16, 2008

On the eve of my first real chance of getting into drama school:

Dearest Obama the Bountiful, Awesome, Magnificent and Amazing,

If I get accepted into drama school this year (I shall repeat this rite on Wednesday evening), I promise with all my heart that I will:
  • Spend less time on the Internet.
  • Help my mother around the house.
  • Actively seek work (both acting and temporary).
  • Eat less.
  • Run more.
  • Write lots.
  • Read heaps.
  • Meditate. 
  • Cook. 
  • Clean.
  • Drink lots of water.
  • Keep my room neat and tidy.
  • Find that moment of stillness before embarking on an activity.
  • Be happy and grateful for everything that's come to me.
  • Be the best person I can be!
This I solemnly swear.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

NYT reviews

Am I too harsh a movie critic?

Can't be, The New York Times picks out exactly the same issues as me.  Mwahaha.

  

Atonement

Atonement.  Is okay.

Lush cinematography and lots of sumptuous colour and soft focus (I take it there were a lot of long lenses on this film) play up the epic and romantic nature of this film.  But ultimately that romanticism is the picture's downfall.

The story follows the effects of a horrible mistake young Briony Tallis (Saoirse Ronan) makes about her sister Cecelia's (Keira Knightley) relationship with servant boy Robbie (James McAvoy).  The first half sets these events up well, with well paced and well placed flashbacks.  But the second and third acts drag along without any hope of redemption or deepening of story, thus leaving the mystery at the end unmysterious.  

Much of the problem lies in the relationship between Cecelia and Robbie, which, although is the anchor that steers the ship of this movie, is not appropriately built up.  Most of the film I spent wondering what was so great about their relationship in the first place.  James McAvoy and Keira Knightley rolling around in langorous amour does not make for a reason to care.  Additionally, lack of development of Robbie and Cecelia's characters other than anger and lust for each other post war leave many parts of the movie clunky and dead.

I believe another major problem with this film is that the adaptor was unsure of which moments from the book to lengthen and which to skim over.  There were a lot of lovely scenes that were embellished from the book.  However, the section where Robbie was serving in the war was incredibly padded out.  The inexplicably long shot of Robbie and his war mates walking through the beach for at least five minutes only made me wonder how and why the filmmakers achieved such a feat.

The film otherwise is well shot, with wonderfully composed wide shots of London and the countryside enhancing the grandeur and romanticism of the piece.  The attention to detail is particularly pleasing here too.  Some remarkable close ups of lights turning off or going out reflect the darkness and secrets in the story.  The score, too, echoes the themes in the movie, often through something such as the everyday sound of a typewriter to develop into a lusher, more complex motif.

Saoirse Ronan is perfect as the prim and precise Briony Tallis, as is the lovely Romola Garai as her older self. It is remarkable how similar the two are in essence and movement. Although I imagine this is as the behest of the director, I can see how much studying of the younger Briony the elder actress must have done. Romola Garai as the older Briony also brings to life some of the more moving moments in the film. Firstly, in the scene between Briony and the French soldier, Ms Garai displays empathy as well as masking her horror at the soldier's situation.  The fact that the entire scene was conducted in French with no subtitles, yet the entire arc and emotional life was easily understood is testament to Ms Garai's ability as an actress (in combination with the director I suppose).  Likewise, in a face-off between Briony and Robbie at Cecelia's apartment Ms Garai holds her ground as James McAvoy rips into her for her sins.  James McAvoy is suitably charming and heart-breaking as the wronged Robbie, however, his choices tend to be safe and do not build to a fully developed character.  Of course Robbie is not as well-fleshed nor as interesting as the character he played in The Last King of Scotland, however, it seems unfair of him to choose boring now that he is playing romantic lead.  His affair with Idi Amin's wife was much more convincing than his romp with Keira Knightley, partly because of poor writing and partly because of lesser acting.  Ms Knightley's blank-eyed stares and mumbled chin thrusts were not convincing.

Director Tom Wright is young and talented but still has a way to go yet.

3/5 if I had to rate it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Observations from an afternoon run

A maltese terrier in perfect arabesque, peeing.

The crumpled butterfly of a tissue.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Manifesto

Dear PRESIDENT OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING, this is my imagined conversation with you on your election day:

WORDS OF WAN-TING (WOW): Oh OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING, I can't express how happy I am for you and how much this means to me not only as an issue of race and policy but also on a deeply personal level.

PRESIDENT OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING (OBAMA): Why thank you, WOW.  I'm happy too. 

WOW: I mean, to have had a pretty unconventional childhood, and to have had a pretty awesome but crazy family tree, and to have achieved the things you've achieved like go to Harvard and become president less than four years since you entered government, all while maintaining your hope and desire that the world can be a better place is no mean feat!

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  I didn't start as the likeliest of candidates for the office of president, WOW.  Not only that, but the road ahead is long, and the climb is steep. But WOW, I have never been more hopeful than I am today that we will get there.  I promise you, we will get there.

WOW:  I believe you.  And I think I can change too.  Over the past week or so, I've been thinking about what I can do for the world, and what my purpose in life is.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: That's fantastic.  Ann Nixon Cooper in Atlanta would be proud of you.  

WOW: I'm proud of her, Barack!  After all, you did say that this victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. But Ann Nixon Cooper has seen the world change, and like her I believe the world has the potential to change again, and for the better.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  You're good at this, WOW.  You should have run my campaign.

WOW:  Aw shucks Barack!  I wish I could have helped, but I was a bit caught up in quitting med school and drinking my way around London to be honest.  In the mean time, though, would you mind listening to some of my ideals and desires for change in myself, as well as the world that I've been thinking about lately?  I just thought it would be cool if you could listen.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Absolutely, WOW.  I would listen to you even if we disagreed.  So tell me, who are you and what are your desires for yourself and the world?

WOW:  Well, I really want to be of service to others.  I want to be a vessel for something greater, to serve the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  That's great, WOW, I'm so glad to hear that.  And how are you going to do that?

WOW: By being the best person I can be.  By pushing myself constantly and by seeking new challenges.  By being brave and taking opportunities.  By being loving and giving to my fellow human beings.  By being honest and truthful. By looking after my mind and my body.  By being open-minded and inquisitive about the world.  By listening. By creating.  By being an artist, because that's the best way I believe I can be of service to the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: And as an artist, you choose acting and writing as your passion and path?

WOW:  Yeah.  Film and theatre, novels and stories.  I don't favour one medium over others.  I love them all.  I think story is one of the greatest reflectors of life and one of the biggest forums for transformation.  I want to be a vessel for that.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  I like your style, WOW!  My presidency is motivated by a deep desire for change, and the belief that positive change is possible.  I think as a former lawyer, passionate speaker and listener and all round good guy, I can help the world change and be the best world it can be.  If you're thinking New Age, you could say that being president is my dharma!

WOW:  I think it is, Barack.  You're pretty damn dharmic!  I really think you are a vessel of hope and change for America.  We can do this, Obama.  We can change the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Yes, WOW.  Yes we can.

7th November 2008, In The Super Cool Invisible Hologram Connection That WOW Is Convinced Exists Between Her And President Obama's Brain, after President Obama's breakfast with his family and election of his cabinet.

CHANGE

I'm so happy! :))

President Obama

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Personal goals vs values

Wow.  I've just realised that for the past two or three years, I've been very focussed on achieving goals.

Not improving as a human being, but making the steps towards my dreams.  Which is great! And I'm glad I've achieved this.  But I haven't moved as fast as I've liked, and in the playing, I've also also lost any ability to feel.  I have been spiritually anorexic for years without knowing.  

I've been happy and relatively zen but it's been a long while since I've truly felt...real emotion.  It feels so strange saying that!  But it's true.

Stupid defensive barrier that covers everything and makes me at times too sleepwalkery.

Perhaps that's why I've lost the ability to write as well.  I've churned out a few things here and there over the months, but most of it had been quite lack-lustre and without a spark.

I don't ever want to go back to feeling as stressed and down as I did in my early twenties.  But I don't want to feel dull and numb either.

Are goals borne out of life values or is it the other way round?  I think I need help with this.

This site suggests one should break it down into 8 parts: Attitude, Career, Education, Family, Financial, Physical, Pleasure, Public Service.  I don't know if my life is as break-downable as that.

Something to think about over the next while definitely.

If Obama wins presidency...(aka My New Year before the End of the Year's Resolutions)

O universal energy, if you put Obama at the head of the United States of America I hereby swear the following things:
  • To go to drama school.
  • To challenge myself constantly, and never be afraid.
  • To practice and improve my French consistently and continually.
  • To read.
  • To write.
  • To be constantly spiritually, physically and emotionally aware.
  • To remain true to my morals and beliefs.
  • To be true to me.
  • To put myself entirely and lovingly into my work.
  • To work hard.
  • To look after my body and my mind. 
  • To seek truth in my work and my life.
  • To spend time with family and friends.
  • To be the best person I can be.
I've never really made proper resolutions before.  Normally my decisions are goal oriented.  I think it's time I became self-oriented.  In more ways than one.

I will review this in a few months.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Words of Wanting

Well the title's different but the content's the same...no real reason, I'm not even bored with it yet really, I was just reading someone else's blog title and I thought man mine's got to be a bit catchier.  So 'wanting' because haha that's my middle name and well, that's my nature.  Don't know if I should make it 'wanting' or 'wan-ting'...details, details!

So last night I went to my first masterclass with a director who I've been dying to work with for months, years now probably.  And it really shook my foundations.

Not so much because I didn't think I was up to standard, but because of the standard the director expected from all of us.  For a few minutes I was thinking 'wow, maybe I'm really not ready for the professional world.  I should go home right now!'  It took me a good hour and a half of talking stupidly and grinning and being a complete blubbering fool whenever the director talked to me until I realised they weren't all out to get me.

Yes that's right folks!  For the first time in a long, long while I was the youngest and most inexperienced person in the room.  AND IT WAS BLOODY TERRIFYING.

Thrilling, too.  Overwhelmingly exciting!  I don't think I've ever felt that intimidated in a class, ever.  The actors in the class have all been working for decades, and are all at post-graduate level.  At the same time the director was really warm and open and encouraging that we were all to be gaining from the class what we wanted to, that she wasn't a teacher, more so a facilitator.  And that's how I felt and I finally relaxed about half way into the class and really got into the workshop.  Although I'm still terrified about next week.

The main focus of the class is Anne Bogart's Viewpoints.  This seems really interesting and I don't want to get into too much detail yet before I really understand it.  But it seems to take into account duration and tempo and movement on the stage, repetition and .  Apparently it arose in response to the overly initiative, impro happy American actor, who always felt like they always had to start something.  We had a talk afterwards about allowing yourself to take inspiration from someone else's movement or gesture, and creating something new out of that.  Also the inspiration found in repetition...I must sound like a complete novice getting so excited about this brand new art form.  But guess what, I am!!

Made me think about drama school again...having the language and the physical and intellectual history to be able to really understand this sort of stuff...but then I thought if I can go straight into working on something like this, that would be even better...still confused.  But right now happy to leave it.

Am also actually finding some zen.  Am using this period of inactivity (ie. unemployment) to spend time thinking about what I eat and how I treat my body.  To work on my monologues daily.  To write.  It's funny how if you have a plan for the day you tend to stick to it.  Much better than waking up then spending the rest of the day running round in circles trying to decide what to do.  Makes life a lot easier.

Although I still am nowhere closer to waking up when my alarm wants me to...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Missing

I miss school and sitting in a classroom where my only worry was squaring an imaginary number and trying to make it real.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Failure #2

Today I quit the Berkoff play.
 
It had been causing me a lot of stress.  I was shooting off energy in all sorts of directions, not sure where to go or what to do.  It didn't seem feasible to be learning an entire play as well as learning four monologues and working before the end of the year, so after much deliberation, I rang up and quit.
 
And what a relief.
 
I have to have a bit of a think before I go barging on again.  I have a tendency to throw all my energy into a certain path, only to realise I've been heading in the wrong direction.  Such is the nature of total madness!!
 
But I am determined to head lightly this time, going a bit slower, and a bit more carefully.
 

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Sydney

Haha, I was reading through the previous post and I can't remember what I meant to say (like who the hell is C and D??). But updating it the best I can -

So the third show I saw on the Friday of the Edinburgh festival was Ruhe. Ruhe was this beautiful German production, a mixture of choral music and monologues from people who went through the war. The audience was sat in a round and when everyone was seated, a men's choir stood up on their chairs, scattered around the audience, wearing plain clothes, and singing in angelic tune. As the strains of Schubert floated over the heads of the audience, two actors would interject with their monologues and walk through the audience. It was really a grand experience. The last show I saw on that day was Edges, which was a woeful experience which left me very disappointed and disenchanted. Edges was the show that my friends had written in New York, and that I was trying to get up in Sydney, but after watching that disastrous show I don't think I want to put it on ever unless I feel like I can do it right. All four actors were supposedly musical theatre graduates but lo, were they woeful. The main guy couldn't even sing in tune. The songs in the show are so truthful and honest and these guys ruined it completely. I wouldn't have minded so much had they been some kids who were just trying to give it a go, but the fact that they were graduates ruined it for me. When someone pours their heart and soul into writing such great music and lyrics, it's offensive not to be the best vessel/instrument possible you can be to deliver the text.

Anyway, all was not lost. The following morning I went to see Pornography, a new play by Simon Stephens about the London bombings. This was an inspiring experience for me in terms of the translation of the text to performance. The performance was structured such that the seven or eight characters in the show overlapped their various monologuey bits, often crossing into each other's space and revolving around each other on the stage. When I opened up the play having happily bought it from the Traverse bookshop, I realised that the text was written entirely as seven monologues, not cut up or disjointed at all. The play I saw didn't even start with the same character as indicated in the text, nor with the same lines. A small note at the bottom of the page noted that the play could be performed in any order, by any number of actors. This was truly eye-opening for me, and made me think about new ways I could structure a play. Afterwards, I was having lunch with friends when I ran into one of the actors from the show. I had seen him perform before on Broadway, and had thought he was quite cute and talented. Anyway, so I started chatting to him and turns out he was just a normal working actor. So I had a good yak then added him on Facebook and realised he's like the same age as me, which I think is a really great thing that now I can see all this acting stuff is becoming more of a reality for me, in that I no longer get starry eyed when I meet a normal working actor and that I am in it enough to be able to be friends on Facebook.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Failure

It makes you recognise what you really want.

I like failure. Failure gives me drive. It's grand to have a good dose of failure once in a while, to shake things up, make life worth living. For once you are able to see through clear, unbroken eyes.

More on this later...

Also, being the person someone else wants you to be out of the goodness of your heart (C, D).

Terminus

Today I went to see four shows. The first was Terminus, by Abbey Rd Theatre in Dublin, a series of haunting monologues on a fragmented, picture-framed stage. The performers were all great, hitting the verse and highlighting the poetry but the highlight for me was the male actor, he was just so calm and in control. He really delivered and demanded your attention, kept it quiet and controlled and really brought it. The next play I saw was Fall, commissioned by Traverse theatre company and a co-production with the RSC. Polished script and play but overlong and earnest. It was about politics and a post-apolcalyptic world (sort of) and it was just a bit dank and dark and 'tomorrow is another day!', you know, etc. Great actors though. Third play was Ruhe, which was a German co-production of men chorists and I'm tired so I'll continue this another day.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Edinburgh

Apologies for lack of communication of late, I got really busy in the last week and have been running around like mad. I will recap over that last week a bit later.

Am now in Edinburgh which is wet, wet, wet and am having a great time seeing shows even though most of my day seems to be taken up by being rejected by theatres. The shows I have seen have been awesome, the acting has been awesome, my friend lives in an awesome apartment and Edinburgh is just buzzing with people. Today I met up with Duncan a mate from Sydney and we went to see a show and stroked through the rain as best we could and tomorrow we're going to do more.

The first night I arrived I went to see Santogold, who is this awesome M.I.A. type chick who is just laid back and cool. She had these cool laid-back dancers who wore sunglasses and were completely focussed and in the zone. The next day, after being floored by my friend's really cool arty, old apartment, I went to see the first of my three shows for the day, The Angel and the Woodcutter, a Korean physical theatre/dance piece by the Cho-In theatre company which was phenomenal and so moving. This is the second piece of Korean physical theatre I have seen, the first being A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Sydney Festival last year, and I'm starting to think that the Koreans are really good at it. The story was of a mother and her son who went off to war, and the woman he falls in love with, but it was really incredible, a bit Brechtian, a bit Mother Courage. The intensity and focus and lightness that the actors had were incredible, and with a small cast of five and light and colourful music they made a really moving piece. I really liked their use of breath and how it energised the acting and the movement.

After The Angel and the Woodcutter I had a bit of a break then went to see Class Enemy, by Nigel Williams but re-interpreted and set in Sarajevo and performed in Bosnian. The transferring of the setting and the production was really great, it was a really great play, but there was something missing in the translation of it. The staging and the stage business were good and suited the play but it was like the actors were instructed to perform extra big because of the language difference, so there ended up being a lot of overly-large, forceful performances, I felt. There was only one guy who I felt was in it the whole time but overall there were some nice moments and performances. It's a great play, I didn't realise it until I sped-read through all the subtitles. A lot of old Edinburgh-y people left within the first ten minutes which was a shame because it was a really good play and just because it started with (a lot) of swear words and sexual references didn't mean that the play didn't have a lot of really good things to say.

After that I went with my friend and her boyfriend to watch some comedian perform but he was average.

This morning I had a shit of a time walking round and round in circles trying to find a play I wanted to see that wasn't sold out. In the end I caved and around about 4.30 went to see a play called Surviving Spike, which was about Spike Milligan and the woman who worked for him. It was really well produced, the production and the acting were great, but the storyline was a bit boring I thought. Seriously, it was just Spike Milligan and this lady bantering on until he died. I really can't stand sentimental biopic style pieces but the oldies loved it and it showed. Then later after dinner again I went to see a show with all LAMDA kids in it called Who's Afraid of Howling Wolf, which was phenomenal in terms of the acting and made me all inspired and want to get into that damn school so I can act and write again. I don't know, perhaps it was because it was in a black box theatre and performed by kids who were great, I just felt like it was all totally achievable. All the kids had a great natural style, with the main girl practically oozing sensuality it was all so hypnotizing, like a warm whisky. The script itself wasn't so amazing (it got a bit general towards the end; it was about a lost love), but the dialogue was snappy and witty and the LAMDA kids delivered with such sharpness and wit and focus (how I love theatre that is alive and breathing right in front of me!) that I thought to myself a) fuck, I've got to get into this school and b) fuck, I've got to start writing again and have it said by such talented people and create images with words and images for the stage. So then I went to see Showstopper! The Improvised Musical with Duncan and afterwards we sat and picked at it from an actor's point of view and then felt guilty because we were picking on them.

A few things about the Edinburgh festival: I haven't really described it here but the Edinburgh festival is amazing. It's something like nine festivals put altogether, and in terms of the Fringe itself, there are over 1,700 shows, all of which perform nearly every day. That means from 9am till 1am in the morning THERE ARE SHOWS STARTING EVERY FIVE MINUTES. That's right, you can watch a show every hour, so technically you can see at least eight shows a day if you're organised. The amount of people and art and craziness here is incredible. The other funny thing about the festival is that all the shows are done with the most incredible lighting and set and costume and acting and direction and so forth, but then they're done in the shittiest of venues. It's almost a shame really, because they deserve better venues than that but it's the festival and that's how it goes.

I have to say though, I had a really weird vibe from Edinburgh when I first arrived. First of all, I had just spent the evening with all my girlfriends that were left over from the course staying at my house (long story, but amusing!) plus my flatmates, then a couple hours later hopped on a plane and suddenly I was in Edinburgh. They still used the pound but it's a completely different country. And it was wet. Secondly, the moment I stepped into Edinburgh, I have had things break on me. First my computer crashed and as the Mac man told me I have to take it back to Australia. Then my beloved boots broke and I haven't been able to find a bootmaker (sniff!). Then, after all these weird things, I couldn't get into the spirit of the festival. Yes, I was seeing lots of amazing stuff, I was seeing three shows a day, which in itself is inspiring, and all really cool international and local stuff, but I wasn't feeling like it was sinking in, it was all just surface appreciation. I hadn't had a break since LAMDA and it felt like I just came to Edinburgh and continued working, seeing shows. It was only after watching the LAMDA show and then meeting up with Duncan for a drink and a show that I started to feel inspired and in the groove. And now that I've been inspired I feel like I can take on anything.

My friend is staying at her boyfriend's tonight so I get the double bed all to myself!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Revenger's Tragedy

Okay, scratch everything I said the other day, scratch it, scratch it all!

Last night I went to see The Revenger's Tragedy by Thomas Middleton at the National Theatre. This was the first piece of theatre off the West End and not Shakespeare (although he is Shakespeare's contemporary) that I was going to see and I was really yearning for some inspirational theatre. As soon as I walked into the theatre itself I was flabbergasted. Over 1150 seats! And completely full! On a Monday night! That alone was enough to dumb me, wriggling excitedly in my seat like a toddler and a Power Ranger. Then there was the stage itself. The set was split into three so that there were three faces, or three rooms, like in a pie. The stage rotated so that there was this constant flow between the rooms (when required). Frequently it was used to present a sort of rotating montage of action. An apron along the front allowed for more action to occur. The first room was a modest living room with a fireplace and a grey wall with a famous classic painting that whose author I can't remember on it, and a blank area for visual projections, the second was a grand room with renaissance paintings featuring as wallpaper, and the third another grand room with a red spandex couch in the middle of it. Between the three rooms there were corridors for characters to run around in, and the walls of these corridors/the stages themselves were slightly transparent, so that lights and action could be glimpsed behind them. Finally there was some space at the back behind the set that could be lit up for further action to take place.

Anyway, so I was still entranced by the size and the grandeur of the stage and the audience when the play exploded with colour and sound and movement and dance. This was everything Romeo and Juliet at the Open Air tried to be and failed so badly at. Dancers burst onto the stage, leaping and tumbling. Actors ran across the stage in modern day costume, a mixture of Baz Luhrmann R&J sophistication and a slicker, more muted, contemporary tone, with skinny jeans and angels wings and leopard skin and naked bush. A countertenor in tight jeans sang over house beats. The lighting ran red and bled across the stage. A girl was raped through roaring music, the stages swung, corruption hurtled through corridors. The play then opened with the main character ranting about the rape and death of his fiance, whom the Duke had murdered after she declined his attention, which, unlike the frigging ridiculous opening scene in Romeo and Juliet, made perfect sense because this rape was an actual scene, albeit unwritten, done though the chaos of music and dance and light, as a precursor to the text, rather than a vague attempt at representing the 'symbolism' and the 'themes' of the play. The opening was graphic (apparently the girl who got raped was completely naked), revolting, visceral and absolutely thrilling. What was also so great about this production was that although the play was set in the contemporary world, elements of the the play's original setting were still kept, for example, the actors walked around in modern day clothes but held swords on their hilts. This worked brilliantly because the world was a heightened, hyper-reality, and melded together perfectly the luscious 16th century style art and setting with the modern, PVC furniture and costuming. And the corruption and colour represented in the action and the design were a perfect rendering of the revenge at the centre of the play.

The acting - everyone was excellent, excellent, excellent. Man, I love British actors and their relish for words!!! Despite having performed this play every night for two months the energy remained fresh and specific. Words exploded from mouths, hands delved into flesh. The lead, Rory Kinnear, a very well-respected actor (only 30!) who has won lots of awards, and incidentally is a LAMDA boy, putted through his plosives as if he was spitting ping pong balls from his mouth (such energy!!). Jamie Parker (The History Boys) played the brother, and was recognisable by his gorgeous voice. I was sitting quite high up and I couldn't really see his face - but after a while I was like, hey...! But really, they were all so, so, good. And inspiring to see that the Duke's wife was of African descent, and that there was definitely scope for people of non-British ancestry to perform at the National Theatre in the classics. Every actor was so precise and sharp and connected with the text and each other - it was a brilliant connection of body and voice and words. The dancers, too, were equally brilliant - they were mixed in with the actors and were probably actors themselves - sweeping solo into a scene unnoticed, with flowing contemporary lines and dress or spun-out techno, or behind the back of the stage where only the clued in could notice. And the singing! Really, you can't get better, world-class performers than those at the National!

Now I've just got a few things to say about the director, Melly Still, an American born British director who used to be a choreographer and a designer...wow-a!! Melly Still is only in her 30s/40s, and this is her second production, but what a production! She not only has an exquisite eye for movement and design (obviously being able to do both), she has a unique understanding of the verbal and textual aspects of the play, as evidenced by her overall handling of the play (the luscious corruption of it design wise, and the movement and music to support that), but also her sense of the verse. Perhaps it was all the work of the actors, but although I missed some of the text (I was a bit tired and I was sitting quite far back), I still fully felt the revelations and the realisations of the main character and the consequences and tragedy of their actions. Likewise the revelations the characters made through their speech were simple and clear and touching, not arched or profound but straight and uncluttered. This, plus her handling of the visual, (and the puppetry...oh man, don't get me started on the amazing puppetry), makes me soo excited to be in London witnessing the flight of passionate, stirring and brilliant productions that are treading the boards right now.

Ohhhhh I just found out that Melly Still's partner is Tim Supple, which totally makes sense and blows me away! WOW-A!! What a power couple! That's insane! I was just thinking in my head that the only production that this betters is the Midsummer Night's Dream production I saw at the Sydney Festival, by Tim Supple, that was so visceral and life-changing and here I am watching the works of his partner/wife/girlfriend/whatever!!! Fucking-A, can you get a better combination than that?? If only I could share a partnership with someone as incredible as that! If only I could be tithe as good creatively as a quarter of that! (If only I had a man...but that's another story hehe).

Monday we also had stage combat and movement class, which were fantastic as always. Stage combat we learnt some more of the routine, which I have to say is so great because we learn the principles of attack and defense rather than just choreography. Movement was remarkably moving for me (haha, badoom, chk). I don't know what it was about that afternoon but for some reason I just felt incredibly settled, like I knew what I was doing and that I had been there before. I felt like I had been doing movement class for ages, I had been in this room for ages, that I was incredibly connected. Everything that Vince was saying or doing felt familiar and new at the same time. We went through the movement exercises and my body felt so free. Everything here is so fresh while at the same time being grounded in theory. Vince took us through Laban's eight actions, which I have done before (although it took me a while to realise that LA-ban was the same as La-BAN), but instead of making us run around the class 'slashing' everything, or 'punching' everything, he applied it to a short routine. That moment of taking something old and applying it in movement without having to thrash it out made me want to stay here. And so I went home and started going through my monologues again, ready for my audition on Wednesday.

*Note - I have once again broken up my post by heading off for a few days and then coming back...it is now Saturday, and I came back from Stratford-upon-Avon last night. So, onwards and upwards!

On Wednesday we headed to Stratford on the bus. I sat next to JB and it was just like a school trip, complete with Truth or Dare. When we arrived we were deposited at this rather nice hotel which was a surprise, and sent off to do a workshop with an ex-member of the Royal Shakespeare Company (RSC). Then we pottered around and did some sightseeing until dinner (with the best banoffi cake I've ever had) and then to the theatre to see Hamlet.

Okay, so Hamlet: this production was widely anticipated by most of us mainly because it starred David Tennant and Patrick Stewart and I have to say it didn't disappoint! When we turned up to the theatre the line for returns (the run is sold out) went all the way outside the theatre and halfway down the street. When we entered the theatre the place was packed packed packed despite it being a Wednesday night. The stage was a thrust stage and the audience surrounded it on three sides on three levels. I hung my feet over the edge of the balcony and buzzled about with excitement!

The play was also set in contemporary land, although from the tiled stage and mirrored back wall, it was hard to tell where or when. The show started in complete darkness, with the stage being lit only by the strong torches the actors held. As the stage floor and the back wall were reflective, the light bounced off angles to light the actors' faces and the action. When the ghost came on he was merely lit by a soft spotlight and surrounded by dry ice that flowed from his jacket. The scene then burst into a flurry of paparazzi lights as Claudius and Gertrude retreated into the ballroom after their wedding, with Gertrude in the first of a series of beautiful silk gowns (she looked, initially, like Glenn Close in the Mel Gibson movie) and Hamlet standing like a silent bat broodily in the corner. From then on the play was a mix of contemporary references (David Tennant as Hamlet doing 'to be or not to be' in a red T-shirt with the outline of his muscles on it, jeans, and bare feet), and period references, for example, the use of swords, which jarred with the occasional use of handguns and helicopters.

Some stand out moments:

- When Polonius was hiding behind the 'arras' (ie. the silver rotating door panel things at the back), and Hamlet shot him, the lights went out, a shot lit up the room and when the lights went up again, the back mirror panel thing had cracked and stayed that way for the rest of the play.

- The Polonius death scene in general was great, with David Tennant pumping energy into Hamlet and against Gertrude the entire time. Gertrude was incredible.

- The interval: instead of cutting somewhere at the end of an act, the interval occurred just as Hamlet was about to kill Claudius, at 'I'll do it!'...Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Some strange cuts, though, otherwise, in other places, lending to a bit of an odd feel. But everything about the whole play was so connected and paced well that it never felt like dragging, even though it was over three hours and forty-five minutes!

- Ophelia's mad scene, running around and skipping and screaming and pulling her clothes off. Nicely done and well tempered.

- The staging I thought was interesting...I don't know if it was because we were sitting above and therefore we could see the arrangement of bodies in space, whether they do this all the time or whether it was unique to Hamlet, but the actors kept making shapes with their bodies in the space ie. when there was a scene with several of them in it they would often fall into square shapes or triangle shapes. It gave the performance a nice spatial aestheticism and was very clean and went with the pace and the structure of the play. A small observation.

- When the players came out and re-inacted the Gonzalo story, instead of Claudius rising and screaming, 'give me some light!', Patrick Stewart muttered it softly, stood up, walked towards Hamlet, shook his head twice, and walked off. INTENSE.

- Instead of Gertrude drinking the poisoned cup unknowingly, when Claudius says, 'Do not drink,' she realises, and drinks it anyway.

- The duel at the end was a bit clumsy, with Laertes and Hamlet in fencing gear. A weird clash of periods.

The acting was incredible as usual (of course, with one LAMDA boy, playing Rosencrantz!). David Tennant was this incredible, lithe, tousle-haired, skinny, adolescent, Peter Pan-like (I stole this description from another review), wild-eyed, scruffy animal roaming around the stage and confounding Claudius in every way. He was certainly one of the funniest Hamlets I've ever seen. When David Tennant came out initially to say his 'too too sullied flesh' monologue he did the entire thing on his knees with his face to the floor and was still audible. He was incredible with the text, playing with the rhythm and extending it just till it flipped over and then allowing it to gallop again. As Hamlet, and probably with all his characters, he was so present, yet free and alive and flexible with his thin, lanky body. He was probably the first Hamlet I've ever watched so mesmerisedly, and probably the first Hamlet I've ever felt anything for, pandering well to the demands of the text but also giving Hamlet an emotional depth that was hard to resist feeling greatly for. He was a great clown, and probably could have used his energy to go even further into the character - but what a mesmerising, incredible actor. Patrick Stewart was also incredible, and made for a strong, scary Claudius. He was a very solid character, stiffly holding everything in, with this unreadable steel that was freaky as you couldn't tell what he was about to do. Polonius, played by Oliver Ford Davies, was the funniest, bumbliest Polonius I have ever seen, perfect to a T. And Ophelia, although she was a bit bland at the start, warmed up to become a riveting doomed heroine.

The Taming of the Shrew, on the other hand, which we watched on the second day, was not so good. It's such a shame, because it was like Romeo and Juliet in a way, in that it was obvious that the cast were incredibly, incredibly talented, much more so skilled than the Romeo and Juliet cast, world class, really. But even they couldn't rise above a crappily-executed director's conceit. The theme of the evening was that men dominated women, and in the end, was shown up by women anyway, but the way it was executed just didn't lend any empathy to any of the characters, and the director's hand was too dark and too forceful. As a result, or I'm assuming it was as a result, the acting was fine-tuned but demonstrative, and none of the actors were connected to the text or to each other. The scene where Petruchio and Kate banter was crude and crass. The director Conall Morrison has emphasised all the cruel, farcical elements of the play and none of its subtleties. It was good to see in terms of being able to see some fine actors at work, as well as some blind casting (although no LAMDA bodies...that was probably why it was shit) but otherwise I didn't find it a particularly satisfying production. So that evening we went clubbing in Stratford with all the A-level students to drown our woes ;)

On Friday we went to Warwick castle and pottered around for a few hours before coming back to London, and generally since then have been chilling and being a bum. Last night went to a pizzeria which I have to say was pretty orgasmic, (the ortolana pizza was divine) and then out to Old Street for a boogie (in Music Hall? Enio was put off by the indie music and the gay crowd but I loved it) and then spent two hours wandering around London at 2am trying to find another club, which is what always happens when we go out in London, until my friend needed to go to the toilet, so we all went home.

Some thoughts I wanted to mention about my classmates:

- M told me the other day while out clubbing, with her beautiful Italian accent, that I had 'sounds within my body.' Hehe, so cute!

- When we were mucking around doing the hand fish thing on the bus, JB said that we were 'making la poesie with hands.'

It's funny...despite all this theatre stuff which I'm loving, I'm missing film a lot. I do enjoy it and hope to have a career in it one day. I feel like there's something missing...

It is now Sunday...time for some study :)

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Lots of leiblings

Hello meine leiblings!

Lots of things to talk about, lots of things to say. Right now I am lying prostrate on my bed, pretending I am a warm silk worm in my now-not-Marc-smelly room and imagining that I am still sleeping. Last night we went out to see a play and then went drinking in the gutter at Kings Cross (long story) and although I didn't actually drink I did go to bed quite late. So am pretending that I am still sleeping after my friend from highschool rang me about an hour ago and disrupted my beauty rest.

Okay so where to start...well just as an initial kick I remember the brilliant thing I was going to say in the last post. Although I have never regretted turning down Norway, I did initially regret not being able to have that travel experience, and to live in a dorm with a million different international students. What I didn't bank on, which is probably quite obvious throughout my posts, was the amount of international students that would be studying here, and how many of them would turn into my friends (a lot of them). I think by the very fact that I myself am 'international', I have ended up spending a lot of time with the other 'internationals' (ie. pretty much anyone who is not local, living in London), as, like the Norwegians in Oslo, the locals don't do the course or if they do, they're not particularly interested in meeting transient people. Which is fine by me, because it gives me a wealth of places to visit after the course (Rome, Venice, Paris, Madrid, Leipzig), and, well, Brits are boring anyway (kidding, kidding!). The only thing that concerns me is that I am not sure how much time I would have to travel afterwards, and that I really should be getting an idea of what the local people are like should I want to live here. But I figure that will come with time, and I already had a small taste of it before starting the course. I'm sure when the course ends and my flatmates come back I will work it out then too.

It's weird I have this complex over feeling comfortable around the right kinds of people. It's like I feel like I need to make sure I am comfortable with the local crew rather than the summer folks since they are the kind of people I'd be spending the rest of my time here with should I get in. Yet I don't want to miss out on all this summer school fun. Ah, shut up, me.

Okay, so, on Thursday I was less sick but more sick than I am now. Because I knew I was going to be spending my evening standing in a pit, I tried to conserve my energy and watched my classes instead. Voice with Lesac and the musical instruments is still a delight for me, I think it's so helpful to incorporate something so intellectual like phonetics (odd, I initially wrote physics instead of phonetics...oh my brain...!) with something physical, like pretending to play an instrument. So we filled a whole orchestra with the continuants/nasal sounds (M= viola, N= violin, NG= oboe), and then the semi-vowels (W=, R=, J=). As most of acting is anyway, the combination of the intellectual and the physical. Then on Friday we did improvisation and text, which was heaps of fun. In improvisation we were asked to write down some words that came to our head. Then Steve our teacher told us that these words were characteristics that would make up the character we would be playing as dating agency clients. We would each get one minute to pitch to the camera a sort of 'date me' advert that was natural and improvised. So my character was 42, a student of African dancing, a non-smoker, no kids, liked rap, was born in Townsville, enjoyed silk, steak and chips, Monica Belluci and Eastenders. The other thing we had to do was incorporate a verbal tic and a physical tic into our presentation, as well as inhabit the tempo of the breed of dog we had written down. So my character was as cruisy as a retriever, spun her pencil, and said 'cunt' a lot, while Rob's character coughed and said 'sorry' and was as keen as a beagle, and well, lord knows what some of the other dog breeds were! It made for a lot of crazy characters...but it was really interesting to concentrate on so many different things, especially the inner tempo, which made for a character and an inner life that would be quite different to my initial instinct. Then we had text and argued muchly about phrasing and where to breathe and whether the rhythm of the line should be broken up or not, or should the thought be preserved in a single gasp. Then in the evening we went to the theatre.

A side note: I really enjoy the rigour of study here in London. Already within the first few days I felt my body open up again and my mind ignite. Within two weeks I feel like I've been studying it forever. I came here to solidify what I had learnt already about Shakespeare, which was a lot and not a lot, and since I have been here I have felt my knowledge and understanding of Shakespeare and text row dramatically. I knew certain things before but I know them more even solidly now, just in terms of understanding a text and how it sounds. Having listened to a great deal of Shakespeare in the past six months plus has been a tremendous help without me even realising it. Now that I watch plays and listen to the actors' voices I see what they are doing well and what they are missing. I have a better theoretical understanding of things now too. For example, in the past with Shakespeare, I would scan the text, but have no idea why I was doing it, nor could anybody tell me why I was doing it (most of all my teachers...isn't that strange??). Now I know that the text itself by saying it in rhythm with highlight the words I need to hit, that if the text goes off rhythm there are also things I need to hit, if there is assonance or alliterations there are a multitude of things I need to hit...It's like a dance or a song, it's music, this verse...one two three, HIT, one two three, HIT...it's great :) I'm really enjoying the relishing of it, holding words in my mouth like juicy plums. Of course, the American way, the method way, the filmic way or delivering a text is still behind it all, with the emotion and the feeling and everything, but this savouring of the text is beauty in its own right. Here, Shakespeare indicates all the emotions and feelings for you, just like a piece of music, and that alone is enough to colour the drama before getting into the objective and the intention of it. Obviously there is a great deal more I need to learn about Shakespeare, but already I feel like I have a grounding on which to build for the rest of my life.

You know what else I think is beautiful, actually, is just the motion of typing my words and feelings onto this keyboard...I'm listening to music at the same time and channelling my feelings into my fingers, which are flying as if they are on a piano...It's quite beautiful actually, the connection between my fingers and my heart. Liquid and pepperminty, banana skins and tea :)

Now, the productions...the past couple of days we've been to see a couple of Shakespeare productions here in London. Thursday night we went to see The Merry Wives of Windsor at the Globe. The Globe is a recreation of the theatre that Shakespeare used to play in in Stratford. This version is on the Thames and bright white and panelled with dark wood and full of tourists. Leipzig, Madrid and I stood in the pit, but in the interval we moved into the segment right in front of the stage, which was a VERY good idea. The show was a very traditional rendering of Shakespeare, with period costumes and musicians and everything that one would expect to find in the original court. The acting was played out a little bit to the audience, for example, a lot was made of the noise the planes flying overhead were making, but otherwise the performance was great, big and colourful and gaudy and everything a Shakespearean comedy should be. All the actors were so grounded but so big at the same time. And the energy! When the whole cast came out dressed as sprites singing and dancing in the round, it was magical. We were in a hurlyburly of giddiness and delight. It was VERY good. I was a little reserved about the acting and how I would fit into it but I'll get into that later. Afterwards we headed to The Anchor, with me swigging my way through my 1.5L bottle of water, and everyone else getting into a pint or two.

The other production I saw was Romeo and Juliet at the Open Air theatre, last night at Regents Park. This was an altogether very different production, although with the same level of production values and skill. The theatre was this beautiful open air theatre, bigger than the one they use for Shakespeare in the Park in New York. It was massive, this huge almost stadium sized theatre that fit as many if not more people in a typical West End Theatre. The stage was a wooden/brick contraption somewhat similar to the set for Mother Courage in Central Park and was well set up with lights and sound to project all the way to the back. The major disappointment for me here was that they put too much into the production aspect of the show and neglected the text and the connection with the audience/other actors. The theme of the performance was West Side Story meets Romeo and Juliet so there was a lot of hairspray and bomber jackets and all that going on. The problem was that it was very very stylised. There were all this great movement which wa very dramatic and I'm sure in the context of, I don't know, a very sexual, rompy West Side Story it would have it's place, but it was just too melodramatic and ungrounded in this text. The actors were all very good and skilled and I'm sure talented put in the right context but it was colourful and empty and hollow. Romeo was well-trained but badly cast - he spent all of this time during the balcony scene grinning his love to the audience; Juliet was physically perfect, dark and short and cute with big bangs - but spent most of her time 'sawing the air' with her hands and reaching for the audience up the back. The Friar was very good as was the Nurse - who, in a bout of colourblind casting/let's try and make the unimportant characters ethnic, was black - and I didn't mind Paris, who (and it's hard to tell with these Brits) was Indian or Latino or something. There was this random buxom woman who was very musical theatre and thrust herself about the stage without having an apparent character other than a harlot who made out voraciously with all the men - although she did sing very beautifully in the death scene. But once again, this beautiful, practised, performance was ruined by the fact that she started singing before Romeo and Juliet bloody died, so it was like a pre-emptive death, and everyone was standing around like soldiers in their blacks looking remarkably solemn, and Juliet hadn't even grabbed her gun yet (in an attempt to be like the movie Juliet shot herself in the head and forgot all her dying lines). It's hard to be critical of something that obviously had a lot of potential and spark and is obviously a well funded and professional, but there was absolutely nothing to grab onto. Occasionally there was some spark, especially when they left the actors to their devices and just allowed the text breathe, as in scenes between the friar and Romeo or the nurse and Juliet. There were some lovely moments when the words and the text hit home. But by golly, I was too busy giggling over the stylised sex scene to really care for any of the characters, as polished and presented as they were.

Now here is my gripe. I have duly enjoyed my time watching theatre here. London of course is the place to go for classical theatre. The productions are slick, the actors are sharp. But I feel like I have watched a lot of polished performances and not a lot of truth or reality. I haven't been moved by anything I've seen yet, bar one or two moments here and there. The Globe was great fun but I'm not sure if I want to perform traditional Shakespeare for tourists, nor do I think I will ever be cast to do so. The open air theatre was modern and fresh but overdone and disconnected. I have not yet seen any theatre that has moved me or made me think, or well, actually, the only thing that has, has been a bunch of construction workers banging on trash can lids. Do I want to train in a place that will give me a beautiful speaking voice and a lithe body, but ultimately no soul?

It's not like I have been totally uninspired. I have heard some beautiful voices and seen some wonderful bodies, but as yet I have not been hit in the gut with anything. I do have to make a sort of decision based on what I have seen here, because I don't want to spend three years training for an industry that I do not feel connected with. I feel that even though I felt I had no structure to hold onto in New York, I learnt so much there about being in the moment and motivation and how to affect the other person. There are still scenes that my classmates did that I can recall vividly in my mind, scenes and moments that moved and tickled me. Here the focus is on the technical aspects of acting - the language, the text, the physical language of the time, all of which is good and what I was looking for, but I still feel as if there is something missing. Although having said all that perhaps I don't need the action/objective part since I kind of already know most of it and working with my scene partner is a breeze because he's a working actor and he knows it too. So maybe it's not that big of a deal. And not being inspired viscerally here doesn't mean it's not worth being here - I can learn all the technical aspects and then go away and infuse it with charged stuff later. And it's not like they're completely dead or anything, those moments of truth are still there. I think it's probably accepted that you know how to act, and they're just feeding you the skills to act Shakespeare. But other than the excitement of all the technical stuff, I need to find some inspiration here.

*A side note - since this post is so long, I started yesterday (ie. Saturday) and it is now Sunday. So just move my last nights to two nights ago and so forth!

**Another side note - since yesterday I received an email from a friend of mine who said of course you can come and stay on my couch in Edinburgh during the festival so I might end up being inspired after all! Edinburgh International Festival here I come!!

I have forgotten most of what I wanted to say yesterday?

Intimidation: a small side step I wanted to talk about. I too no longer feel intimidated by ambitious boys anymore. No, scratch that, I felt slightly intimidated when I met one of the boys in my Shakespeare class for the first time because he said he wanted to get into LAMDA and I was like, ahheeek, so do I, don't freak me out. I think I get freaked out by ambitious boys, or at least ones that I know I am in the running with because I feel like I am on par with them, and good boys are always more likely to get into drama school than good girls, purely by the nature of the industry. But I think intimidation is an indicator of how confident you are. When someone else is confident, it throws your own self-worth out a little bit because you have to be able to hold up to that confidence. So obviously in meeting this boy I was not certain of my own ability. After a while when you get to know them you lose that initial fear but they are still your competition. But at the end of the day you can only control what you are capable of and need to focus on that. I don't get intimidated by actors so much any more, well, I do a little but increasingly less. I think I feel competitive with ambitious boys because they are the epitome of success, if you are going to be a success in this world, and probably most worlds, you are going to be a boy. On the other hand I haven't met that many ambitious girls? And if I do I feel a comradeness with them because as females we all share the same fears and considerations. Ambitious boys don't have anything holding them back, they are pure fire and passion and will stop at nothing to get what they want. And we ambitious girls want to be on par. Stuff all that family and getting married shit, we want to be with the big guns! But at the same time there is that family etc thing at the back of our minds...

Anyway this sort of brings me to another brief thing I wanted to say about study versus work...I was talking to some of my classmates last night, my lovely Italians and we were all lamenting the lack of men in our lives...Maria is in her late 20s, beautiful, and studying acting in Venice. What to do when you're nearing baby age and you're still studying and getting about? I was looking through my emails yesterday and noting the work that other people are doing. As much as I love all this study I do feel like I've got to get a move on with my life somehow. I'm 24 and still living at home! I haven't even started really banging out a career yet! I haven't got any professional credits, I want to work in New York and London and I haven't even done the industry in Australia yet...in a way I wish I could go straight into work right now. There is time for study and contemplation later, right now I feel like if someone offered me an acting job in film or TV I would take it. I am undecided about whether I want to work in the theatre in London, I think they're all very skilled but what space is there for me? So far everything is hollow and shiny and beautiful. Theatre here reminds me of those porcelain/china dolls, the ones that you get at Wedgwood or something, these beautiful pastel, glazed, watercoloured women that gleam like milk but are ultimately hollow inside. I want to be a creative being, I want to write and tell stories and move people and I don't feel like I'm doing that.

I have more to say but I'll leave it for now...gotta get ready to host our barbie tonight! x