Phlebology

I think veins are achingly beautiful.

Blue pipes carrying blue blood.

To think that our sorrows lie on the surface while life beats below.

A Disappearing Number

Magical.

Not 100% satisfying with the relationships and character developments (there were none), but what a feast for the eyes, the ears and most importantly, my mathematically deprived brain.

Quote

Rediscovered this old quote, which currently rings true for me:

‘One condition necessary to be a truly great author is to abandon vanity, and learn how to be independent in a precarious profession. Don’t become complacent about your status as an author; first of all you’re a human being and a woman, and only third an author.’

pp.244-245, Shanghai Baby, Wei Hui

Pretty much what I've been trying to sum up the past couple of weeks.  To be the best person I can be first.  Everything else comes after.

A Director Prepares

Been reading Anne Bogart lately, and wanted to highlight some of the ideas she presents in her book.

Firstly: 

I learned about the Japanese word irimi while studying Aikido, a Japanese martial art. Simply translated, irimi means ‘to enter’ but it can also be translated ‘choose death’. When attacked, you always have two options: to enter, irimi or to go around, ura. Both, when accomplished in the right manner, are creative. To enter or ‘to choose death’ means to enter fully with the acceptance, if necessary, of death. The only way to win is to risk everything and be fully willing to die. If this is an extreme notion to occidental sensibilities, it does make sense in creative practice. To achieve the violence of decisiveness, one has to ‘choose death’ in the moment by acting fully and intuitively without pausing for reflection about whether it is the right decision or if it is going to provide the winning solution. pp.49-50

I was talking to Bug today and she suggested that I was a very all or nothing person.  This is mostly true, although I do try to strive for balance within my extremes.  After reading the above I started to think that perhaps I am more extreme than I think.  I quit med without a second thought.  My opinions on art are violent and aggressive.  I refuse to take a middle ground in my career, even if it is to earn myself a little more money.  It is, perhaps, the oriental way to live, certainly the way most prized by fans of Japanese manga or swordfighting aficionados.   I don't necessarily think this is the most sensible way to live, nor the most ideal.  However, I think it is the only way to live a life that is truly creative and fruitful.  Before every Anne Bogart masterclass I inevitably feel an uneasy twist of fear in my stomach.  Even though I am no longer intimidated by my classmates (who are all older and more experienced than me), I feel like I want to hide, to not be challenged, to stay the same.  But I must be bold, I must be violent.  One must strike out in a direction, even if unsure.  Because only after a stab in the dark will help stretch out to meet it.

The other idea that struck me was one of movement versus stasis:

In A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce differentiates static and kinetic art. He values static art and disparages kinetic art. I find his conception of static and kinetic challenging and helpful in thinking about what we put on the stage. Kinetic art moves you. Static art stops you. Pornography, for example, is kinetic – it can arouse you sexually. Advertising is kinetic art – it can induce you to buy. Political art is kinetic - it can move you to political action. Static art, on the other hand, stops you. It causes arrest. Much like the painting by Anselm Keefer, it won’t let you easily walk by it. Static art offers a self-contained universe unified only in its complex, contradictory fields. It does not remind you of anything else. It does not create desire in you and it does not move you in an easy manner. You are stopped in your tracks by its unique power. P.63

So I thought I would compile some examples of art that has stilled me:

Literature:

Women carried notebooks and pressed storms into them like flowers.

p1, The Service of Clouds, Delia Falconer

The new moon –
fallen out of its gown,
a white breast.

p.28, 18 Poems, Robert Gray

The girl’s pale hair caught the light, a flag of sunshine down her spine.

p. 3, Of a Boy, Sonya Hartnett

[The television] matured like a loaf in the oven, and eventually produced a picture.

p. 117, Popular Music, Mikael Niemi

Her father had taught her about hands. About a dog’s paws. Whenever her father was alone with a dog in a house he would lean over and smell the skin at the base of its paw. This, he would say, as if coming away from a brandy snifter, is the greatest in the world! A bouquet! Great rumours of travel! She would pretend disgust, but the dog’s paw was a wonder: the smell of it never suggested dirt. It’s a cathedral! her father had said, so-and-so’s garden, that field of grasses, a walk through cyclamen—a concentration of hints of all the paths the animal had taken during the day.

p.8, The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje

Her tongue – bloated, the cherry pink of a kitchen sponge – slumped from her mouth.

p.6, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Marisha Pessl

Some days they were so buoyant it was as though they were being carried across the pool, passed weightless from hand to hand. Their legs floated behind them like scarves, loose in the water. Cool careful fingers of liquid ran the length of their bodies as they swam.

p.2, What Falls Away, Tegan Bennett

The sun shone through the plastic visor of her sunhat, so that a flower of pink light blossomed on her face.

p.3, What Falls Away, Tegan Bennett

His smile, an umbrella whooshed inside out.

p? , The Bride Stripped Bare, Nikki Gemmell

A liquid ache spread under her skin.

p.44, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

Twinkle was a word with crinkled, happy edges.

p.54, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

The ants made a faint crunchy sound as life left them. Like an elf eating toast, or a crisp biscuit.

p.185, The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

The feeling that somebody had lifted off his head and vomited into his body. Lumpy vomit dribbling down his insides.

p., The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

She has a soft, dense mouth, like a water logged velvet cushion.

p.158, The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood

The sea folded its layers around me, touching my legs, my hips, my breasts like a liquid sculptor with warm hands.

Anais Nin

In a settler’s hut the smallest flutter of a mother’s eyelids are like a tin sheet rattling in the wind.

p.61, True History of the Kelly Gang, Peter Carey

On his wise shoulders through the checkerwork of leaves the sun flung spangles, dancing coins.

Ulysses, James Joyce

Theatre:

A Midsummer Night's Dream, British Council (in particular the music, the actors bursting through the papered set, Helena pursuing Demetrius).

The Revenger's Tragedy, National Theatre (in particular the moment when the puppet was revealed, the dancing, moments in corridors).

A Midsummer Night's Dream, Korean Company (Sydney Festival last year). 

Ruhe, German Company (the moment the men's choir opened their mouths.  Incredible).

Motel, Wharf2Loud (many of the main female and the younger female's conversation).

Sid's Waltzing Masquerade, Sydney Dance Company (the male dancers in general).

The Makropoulos Secret, Opera Australia (the revelation!).

The Glass Soldier, MTC (just a fantastic, creative stage).

Exit the King, Belvoir (Geoffrey Rush dying).

Au Revoir La Parapluie, Sydney Festival (all of it).

Big Shoot, Lavoir Modern Parisien (couldn't understand a fucking thing - but the Denis Lavant was great!)

Film:

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (all of it)

Pan's Labyrinth

In Bruges (just because it's so fucking funny).

Atonement (some beautiful long lens shots, wide shots).

Marie Antoinette (also for the wide shots).

The Talented Mr Ripley (the ending.  Oh the ending...)

21 Grams (when Sean Penn reveals to Naomi Watts he has her husband's heart).

Amores Perros (the Gael Garcia Bernal storyline).

Infernal Affairs (no! The revelation!!)

I can probably think of more but I'm out right now.

What are some things that stop you in your tracks? 

On the eve of my first real chance of getting into drama school:

Dearest Obama the Bountiful, Awesome, Magnificent and Amazing,

If I get accepted into drama school this year (I shall repeat this rite on Wednesday evening), I promise with all my heart that I will:

• Spend less time on the Internet.
• Help my mother around the house.
• Actively seek work (both acting and temporary).
• Eat less.
• Run more.
• Write lots.
• Read heaps.
• Meditate. 
• Cook. 
• Clean.
• Drink lots of water.
• Keep my room neat and tidy.
• Find that moment of stillness before embarking on an activity.
• Be happy and grateful for everything that's come to me.
• Be the best person I can be!

This I solemnly swear.

Gary Oldman

So good.

NYT reviews

Am I too harsh a movie critic?

Can't be, The New York Times picks out exactly the same issues as me.  Mwahaha.

  

Atonement

Atonement.  Is okay.

Lush cinematography and lots of sumptuous colour and soft focus (I take it there were a lot of long lenses on this film) play up the epic and romantic nature of this film.  But ultimately that romanticism is the picture's downfall.

The story follows the effects of a horrible mistake young Briony Tallis (Saoirse Ronan) makes about her sister Cecelia's (Keira Knightley) relationship with servant boy Robbie (James McAvoy).  The first half sets these events up well, with well paced and well placed flashbacks.  But the second and third acts drag along without any hope of redemption or deepening of story, thus leaving the mystery at the end unmysterious.  

Much of the problem lies in the relationship between Cecelia and Robbie, which, although is the anchor that steers the ship of this movie, is not appropriately built up.  Most of the film I spent wondering what was so great about their relationship in the first place.  James McAvoy and Keira Knightley rolling around in langorous amour does not make for a reason to care.  Additionally, lack of development of Robbie and Cecelia's characters other than anger and lust for each other post war leave many parts of the movie clunky and dead.

I believe another major problem with this film is that the adaptor was unsure of which moments from the book to lengthen and which to skim over.  There were a lot of lovely scenes that were embellished from the book.  However, the section where Robbie was serving in the war was incredibly padded out.  The inexplicably long shot of Robbie and his war mates walking through the beach for at least five minutes only made me wonder how and why the filmmakers achieved such a feat.

The film otherwise is well shot, with wonderfully composed wide shots of London and the countryside enhancing the grandeur and romanticism of the piece.  The attention to detail is particularly pleasing here too.  Some remarkable close ups of lights turning off or going out reflect the darkness and secrets in the story.  The score, too, echoes the themes in the movie, often through something such as the everyday sound of a typewriter to develop into a lusher, more complex motif.

Saoirse Ronan is perfect as the prim and precise Briony Tallis, as is the lovely Romola Garai as her older self. It is remarkable how similar the two are in essence and movement. Although I imagine this is as the behest of the director, I can see how much studying of the younger Briony the elder actress must have done. Romola Garai as the older Briony also brings to life some of the more moving moments in the film. Firstly, in the scene between Briony and the French soldier, Ms Garai displays empathy as well as masking her horror at the soldier's situation.  The fact that the entire scene was conducted in French with no subtitles, yet the entire arc and emotional life was easily understood is testament to Ms Garai's ability as an actress (in combination with the director I suppose).  Likewise, in a face-off between Briony and Robbie at Cecelia's apartment Ms Garai holds her ground as James McAvoy rips into her for her sins.  James McAvoy is suitably charming and heart-breaking as the wronged Robbie, however, his choices tend to be safe and do not build to a fully developed character.  Of course Robbie is not as well-fleshed nor as interesting as the character he played in The Last King of Scotland, however, it seems unfair of him to choose boring now that he is playing romantic lead.  His affair with Idi Amin's wife was much more convincing than his romp with Keira Knightley, partly because of poor writing and partly because of lesser acting.  Ms Knightley's blank-eyed stares and mumbled chin thrusts were not convincing.

Director Tom Wright is young and talented but still has a way to go yet.

3/5 if I had to rate it.

Observations from an afternoon run

A maltese terrier in perfect arabesque, peeing.

The crumpled butterfly of a tissue.

Manifesto

Dear PRESIDENT OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING, this is my imagined conversation with you on your election day:

WORDS OF WAN-TING (WOW): Oh OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING, I can't express how happy I am for you and how much this means to me not only as an issue of race and policy but also on a deeply personal level.

PRESIDENT OBAMA THE BOUNTIFUL, AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT AND AMAZING (OBAMA): Why thank you, WOW.  I'm happy too. 

WOW: I mean, to have had a pretty unconventional childhood, and to have had a pretty awesome but crazy family tree, and to have achieved the things you've achieved like go to Harvard and become president less than four years since you entered government, all while maintaining your hope and desire that the world can be a better place is no mean feat!

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  I didn't start as the likeliest of candidates for the office of president, WOW.  Not only that, but the road ahead is long, and the climb is steep. But WOW, I have never been more hopeful than I am today that we will get there.  I promise you, we will get there.

WOW:  I believe you.  And I think I can change too.  Over the past week or so, I've been thinking about what I can do for the world, and what my purpose in life is.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: That's fantastic.  Ann Nixon Cooper in Atlanta would be proud of you.  

WOW: I'm proud of her, Barack!  After all, you did say that this victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. But Ann Nixon Cooper has seen the world change, and like her I believe the world has the potential to change again, and for the better.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  You're good at this, WOW.  You should have run my campaign.

WOW:  Aw shucks Barack!  I wish I could have helped, but I was a bit caught up in quitting med school and drinking my way around London to be honest.  In the mean time, though, would you mind listening to some of my ideals and desires for change in myself, as well as the world that I've been thinking about lately?  I just thought it would be cool if you could listen.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Absolutely, WOW.  I would listen to you even if we disagreed.  So tell me, who are you and what are your desires for yourself and the world?

WOW:  Well, I really want to be of service to others.  I want to be a vessel for something greater, to serve the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  That's great, WOW, I'm so glad to hear that.  And how are you going to do that?

WOW: By being the best person I can be.  By pushing myself constantly and by seeking new challenges.  By being brave and taking opportunities.  By being loving and giving to my fellow human beings.  By being honest and truthful. By looking after my mind and my body.  By being open-minded and inquisitive about the world.  By listening. By creating.  By being an artist, because that's the best way I believe I can be of service to the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: And as an artist, you choose acting and writing as your passion and path?

WOW:  Yeah.  Film and theatre, novels and stories.  I don't favour one medium over others.  I love them all.  I think story is one of the greatest reflectors of life and one of the biggest forums for transformation.  I want to be a vessel for that.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  I like your style, WOW!  My presidency is motivated by a deep desire for change, and the belief that positive change is possible.  I think as a former lawyer, passionate speaker and listener and all round good guy, I can help the world change and be the best world it can be.  If you're thinking New Age, you could say that being president is my dharma!

WOW:  I think it is, Barack.  You're pretty damn dharmic!  I really think you are a vessel of hope and change for America.  We can do this, Obama.  We can change the world.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Yes, WOW.  Yes we can.

7th November 2008, In The Super Cool Invisible Hologram Connection That WOW Is Convinced Exists Between Her And President Obama's Brain, after President Obama's breakfast with his family and election of his cabinet.

CHANGE

I'm so happy! :))

President Obama

Personal goals vs values

Wow.  I've just realised that for the past two or three years, I've been very focussed on achieving goals.

Not improving as a human being, but making the steps towards my dreams.  Which is great! And I'm glad I've achieved this.  But I haven't moved as fast as I've liked, and in the playing, I've also also lost any ability to feel.  I have been spiritually anorexic for years without knowing.  

I've been happy and relatively zen but it's been a long while since I've truly felt...real emotion.  It feels so strange saying that!  But it's true.

Stupid defensive barrier that covers everything and makes me at times too sleepwalkery.

Perhaps that's why I've lost the ability to write as well.  I've churned out a few things here and there over the months, but most of it had been quite lack-lustre and without a spark.

I don't ever want to go back to feeling as stressed and down as I did in my early twenties.  But I don't want to feel dull and numb either.

Are goals borne out of life values or is it the other way round?  I think I need help with this.

This site suggests one should break it down into 8 parts: Attitude, Career, Education, Family, Financial, Physical, Pleasure, Public Service.  I don't know if my life is as break-downable as that.

Something to think about over the next while definitely.

If Obama wins presidency...(aka My New Year before the End of the Year's Resolutions)

O universal energy, if you put Obama at the head of the United States of America I hereby swear the following things:

• To go to drama school.
• To challenge myself constantly, and never be afraid.
• To practice and improve my French consistently and continually.
  
• To read.
• To write.
• To be constantly spiritually, physically and emotionally aware.
• To remain true to my morals and beliefs.
  
• To be true to me.
• To put myself entirely and lovingly into my work.
• To work hard.
• To look after my body and my mind. 
• To seek truth in my work and my life.
• To spend time with family and friends.
• To be the best person I can be.

I've never really made proper resolutions before.  Normally my decisions are goal oriented.  I think it's time I became self-oriented.  In more ways than one.

I will review this in a few months.