Not improving as a human being, but making the steps towards my dreams. Which is great! And I'm glad I've achieved this. But I haven't moved as fast as I've liked, and in the playing, I've also also lost any ability to feel. I have been spiritually anorexic for years without knowing.
I've been happy and relatively zen but it's been a long while since I've truly felt...real emotion. It feels so strange saying that! But it's true.
Stupid defensive barrier that covers everything and makes me at times too sleepwalkery.
Perhaps that's why I've lost the ability to write as well. I've churned out a few things here and there over the months, but most of it had been quite lack-lustre and without a spark.
I don't ever want to go back to feeling as stressed and down as I did in my early twenties. But I don't want to feel dull and numb either.
Are goals borne out of life values or is it the other way round? I think I need help with this.
This site suggests one should break it down into 8 parts: Attitude, Career, Education, Family, Financial, Physical, Pleasure, Public Service. I don't know if my life is as break-downable as that.
Something to think about over the next while definitely.
You are in your early twenties.
ReplyDeleteMID-twenties. There's a difference!
ReplyDelete